I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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