Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
