Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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