Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
More tranny stories later!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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