watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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