Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
