I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
