47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
