its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
