There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
