did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
