I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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