I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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