I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
not ubering you a puppy
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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