yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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