it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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