Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
