I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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