we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
