I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize