I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
