Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
that is very illegal...i love you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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