When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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