yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
