So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
