Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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