were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
