K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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