Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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