my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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