well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i came on her dog
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My liver just had a heart attack.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
