he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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