The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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