it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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