Will you blow on my dice?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
