Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
