I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
