Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
