I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
