He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
