happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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