So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
