his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
