Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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