plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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