Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
