We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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