she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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