i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize