pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
