happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
