Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
