dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize