I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
