sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
