I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
