a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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