hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
