just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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