Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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