i think my tv is drunk
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
