She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
