there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
