Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
