i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
