I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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