is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
