i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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