the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
this beer tastes like vomit already
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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